How To Network In Tech Without Being A Slimeball

I’d just gotten Makena to bed, poured myself a drink, and was sitting down to watch Sportscenter when my phone pinged.

“Hey Jared! How’s it going? I’m working on something big and I was wondering if you could introduce me to [insert the name of my most trusted resource].”

Now, it’s always a little awkward when you get a request for a big favor via text message. Buy me dinner first, dude!

But what’s really wild? This person’s contact information wasn’t even saved into my phone. I was so loosely associated with this person that we didn’t text regularly. Frankly, I don’t even know how they got my number!

And yet they felt comfortable asking me for a huge professional favor.

If you’ve been in the tech/startup world long enough, you’ve probably experienced something like this. And let’s be real—it feels gross. Networking in tech doesn’t have to be transactional, and it definitely shouldn’t make you feel like you’re constantly fending off people trying to take without giving.

So, how do you build genuine, meaningful connections that don’t feel slimy? 

Focus on Relationships, Not Transactions

It sounds simple, but it’s surprising how many people forget that networking is about building relationships, not just exchanging favors. When you reach out to someone, ask yourself: am I genuinely interested in what this person is doing, or am I just trying to get something from them?

Actionable Tip: Instead of leading with what you need, lead with curiosity. Learn about the person’s work, their challenges,  goals, and their life. This shifts the dynamic from “What can you do for me?” to “How can we support each other?” Over time, these genuine connections naturally lead to opportunities. Frankly, sometimes the value I receive from a business relationship provides even more to me in my personal life.

Give Before You Ask

One of the fastest ways to stand out in the tech world is by offering value before you ask for anything. This could be as simple as sharing a helpful article, introducing them to someone in your network, or sharing their project with your social media followers or newsletter subscribers. When you’re seen as someone who contributes, people are more likely to want to help you in return.

Actionable Tip: Make it a habit to send one helpful resource or introduction a week without expecting anything in return. Over time, this positions you as a valuable connector in your network.

Identify and Avoid Toxic Connections

Not all networking is good networking. Some relationships can be draining, especially when they’re one-sided. It’s important to recognize when someone is consistently taking without giving back. That doesn’t mean you should cut off every person who asks for help, but be mindful of those who only reach out when they need something.

Actionable Tip: Set boundaries with people who don’t reciprocate. It’s okay to politely decline requests if you feel like the relationship isn’t mutually beneficial. Focus your energy on people who are genuinely interested in building a two-way connection.

Be Consistent and Stay in Touch

Genuine networking isn’t about sporadic check-ins when you need something—it’s about maintaining relationships over time. Regular, casual interactions can go a long way in keeping connections warm without feeling forced.

Actionable Tip: Use tools like a CRM, LinkedIn or simple calendar reminders to check in with people in your network a few times a year. It can be as simple as congratulating them on a new role, commenting on a recent post, or sending a quick message to see how they’re doing.

Build Community, Not Just Contacts

It’s easy to focus on scaling your network quickly. But having a huge list of contacts isn’t the same as having a strong community. The most successful tech professionals invest in building communities where people support, collaborate, and grow together.

Actionable Tip: Get involved in tech meetups, online forums, or professional groups where you can engage with like-minded people. If you’re Jewish and in tech., I’d love to see you at our Jews In Tech events! (Shout out to my fellow board members Dean and Itamar for creating such a vibrant community)

Contribute to discussions, share your experiences, and support others’ projects. Over time, you’ll become a trusted member of your community—and opportunities will follow naturally.

Networking Doesn’t Have to Be Slimy

At the end of the day, networking in tech is about building relationships rooted in trust, authenticity, and mutual support. When you focus on giving, staying curious, and maintaining connections over time, you’ll find that opportunities come naturally—without feeling like you’re constantly asking for favors.

So the next time you think about reaching out to someone in your network, remember: be the person who adds value, not just the one who takes. That’s how you build relationships that last.